Archive for November, 2006

Perfect Couple

Thursday, November 30th, 2006

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing  question is: Who was the survivor?

Scroll down for the answer…

The perfect woman survived. She’s the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.

Men keep’a scrollin’…

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you’re a woman and you’re reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.

BEES SAAL BAD

Tuesday, November 28th, 2006

1. President Sonia Gandhi n Prime Minister Priyanka Gandhi receive
Italy Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi at airport!!!

2. This is my last film - Rajnikant.

3. I’ll surely enter in to Indian Team - Ganguly.

4. Salman, Vivek, Abhishek attend Ashiwarya rai -Dhoni wedding.

5. “Kyunki Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi” completes 25000th Episode. Tulsi
virani becomes Great Great Great Great Grand-Mother. And the best part,
baa is still alive!!!!

Enjoy this one and have a good day.

Tuesday, November 21st, 2006

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonette When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together. Hemant Joshi By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Dumas The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want? Sigmund Freud I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Anonymous “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” Henny Youngman “I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.” Sam Kinison “There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” James Holt McGavran “I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.” Patrick Murray Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you’re right, shut up. Nash The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once… Anonymous You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Henny Youngman My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. Milton Berle Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. Anonymous A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.” Anonymous First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

who is the best?

Monday, November 20th, 2006

A MBA and a BE go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and fell asleep. Some hours later, the MBA wakes his BE friend. ” look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” The BE replies, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” The BE ponders for a minute. “Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?” The MBA is silent for a moment, then speaks. “Practically…Someone has stolen our tent”.

Dear All Pls select a role for ur self

Thursday, November 16th, 2006
1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby
in One Month.

 2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a
Baby.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine
babies in one month.

4) Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even
if no man and woman are available.

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don’t need a man or woman;
they’ll produce a child with zero resources.

7) Documentation Team thinks they don’t care whether the child is
delivered, they’ll just document 9 months.

8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to
produce a baby.

9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the
Right baby.

Enjoy!!!

Tuesday, November 14th, 2006

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went
into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said
to her,
“If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.” The
woman
freed the frog, and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention
that
there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!” The woman
said, “That’s
okay.” For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in
the
world. The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also
make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will
flock to”.
The woman replied,

“That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will
have eyes
only for me.” So, ——–she’s the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her
second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog
said,
“That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will
be ten
times richer than you. ” The woman said, “That’s okay, because what’s
mine is
his and what’s his is mine.” So, ——–she’s the richest woman in the
world! The
frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like a
mild heart attack.”

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them.

sat sri akal ji

Monday, November 13th, 2006

Teacher to Santa ” Where were U born?
Santa : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Santa : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.

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Santa : People consider me as a “GOD”
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have
came again..

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Santa complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in
my house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Santa : I was watching TV na….

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Thought for the Day!!!

If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother’s younger
sis and elder sis?

Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM

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Do you know the similarity between “Dinasaurs” & “Decent Girls”

Answer: Both dont exist on earth !!!

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When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?

Answer : On their Wedding !!

A perfect husband

Sunday, November 12th, 2006

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and
begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello”

WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes”

WOMAN: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007
models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “$65,000.”

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year
is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!”

MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him
in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: “Anyone know whose phone
this is?”

Working in MNC

Thursday, November 9th, 2006

Once a man went to a Veterinary (Animal) Doctor and said: Doctor I came on vacation so that I can get treated. Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic
Man: No, I am coming to you.
Doctor: But, I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist.
Man: I know, but I want you to treat me.
Doctor: I cannot, because you speak like me and think like me which means you are a human, not an animal.
Man: I know I am same and I am a human but the problem is
I get up in the morning like a horse
I go to work like a deer
I work all day like a donkey
I wag my tail in front of my manager like a dog
I play with my children like a monkey
I am like a rabbit in front of my wife
Doctor asked: Do you work in any IT MNC
Man: Yes
Doctor yelled: Come dear, no body will treat

No Viagra Necessary

Thursday, November 9th, 2006

An embarrassed man goes to see his doctor after several frustrating nights with his wife. “I have a sexual problem, doc, I can’t get it up for my wife anymore,” he mumbles. “I think I may need Viagra or something.”

The doctor replies, “Don’t get ahead of yourself Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do.”

The next day the worried man returns with his wife. “Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas,” the doctor says. “Now turn all the way around. Lie down, please. Uh-huh, I see. OK, you may put your clothes back on.”

The doctor takes the husband aside and says, “You’re in perfect health. Your wife didn’t give me an erection either.”