Don't Laugh

Math joke

joke — Thu, 11 Jan 2007 08:56:35 +0000

A mathematician is flying non-stop from Edmonton to Frankfurt with AirTransat. The scheduled flying time is nine hours.
Some time after taking off, the pilot announces that one engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: “Don’t worry - we’re safe. The only noticeable effect this will have for us is that our total flying time will be ten hours instead of nine.”
A few hours into the flight, the pilot informs the passengers that another engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: “But don’t worry - we’re still safe. Only our flying time will go up to twelve hours.”
Some time later, a third engine fails and has to be turned off. But the pilot reassures the passengers: “Don’t worry - even with one engine, we’re still perfectly safe. It just means that it will take sixteen hours total for this plane to arrive in Frankfurt.”
The mathematician remarks to his fellow passengers: “If the last engine breaks down, too, then we’ll be in the air for twenty-four hours altogether!”

Newotn’s laws

joke — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 06:29:05 +0000

Universal law:

“ Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from
One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money “

First law:

“ a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl
in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless
any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and
break the legs of the boy. “

Second law:

“ the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
bank balance. “

Third law:

“ the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite
to the force applied by the girl while slapping.”

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India.

joke — Tue, 09 Jan 2007 07:28:15 +0000

1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:

Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the “mundan” ceremony of his 10 year old son:

“as I want to shave my son’s head, please leave me for two days..”

3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter’s wedding:

“as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave..”

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:

“As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.”

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:

“Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave”

6. An incident of a leave letter

“I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday.”

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:

“As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today”

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:

“As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.”

9. Covering note:

“I am enclosed herewith…”

10. Another one:

“Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below…”

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:

“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave”.

12. Letter writing: -

“I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well.”

13. A candidate’s job application:

“This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ‘ Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female’… As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience,

Bad Conductor

joke — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 09:33:52 +0000

A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets. He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there’s a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it’s Texas he’s sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he’s sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish. “Well” says the man, “is that your packed lunch over there?” “Yes” answers the executioner. “Can I have that green banana?” The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he’s eaten it. When the man’s finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can’t believe it. “Can I go?” the man asks. “I suppose so” says the executioner, “that’s never happened before.” The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas. The bloke is again sat in the chair. “What is your final wish?” asks the executioner. “Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?” says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the chair. The executioner can’t believe it and lets the man go. Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling. “What’s your final wish ?” asks the executioner. “Well” says the man, “Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?” The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark. “I give up” says the executioner, “I don’t understand how you can still be alive after all that?”. He stroked his chin. “It’s something to do with that green banana isn’t it” he asked. Nahh” said the bloke, “I’m just a really bad conductor”

Nurse joke

joke — Fri, 05 Jan 2007 05:07:32 +0000

A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead.
“Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?” asks the doctor.
“Oh, no,” replies the nurse, “I gave him eight tablets every two hours!”

At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead.
“Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?”
“Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour,” replies the nurse.

Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. “Nurse,” asks the doctor, “did you prick his boil?”
“OH MY GOODNESS!” replies the nurse.

A Bihari Buys Cigarette

joke — Wed, 03 Jan 2007 07:59:17 +0000

A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked for one Wills:
Bhai ek Will dena, so the guy selling the cigarettes told him that there is no brand by the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted and said I want one

Will, so the person told him unless you say it correctly i.e Wills I won’t sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad and said

“Hum ek hi to maang rahen hain pura packet to nahin maang rahen hain”.

Man and his Money

joke — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 09:28:55 +0000

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, “Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money with me when I die.”

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait just a minute!” She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, “I hope you weren’t crazy enough to put all that money in the casket.”
She said, “Yes, I promised. I’m a good Christian, I can’t lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.”
“You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?”

“I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check.”

Prayer of Modern Girl:

joke — Thu, 28 Dec 2006 09:36:05 +0000

Raghupati raghav
raja ram

aisa var dena
Bhagwan,

subah ko uthke jo
chai banaye,
chai banakar
mujhe uthaye phir
kahe ise peeo
meri jaan

aisa var dena
Bhagwan !

Dopahr ko jab wo
break mein aaye,
aake jaldi se lunch
banaye, phir kahe
ise chakho meri
jaan

aisa war dena
Bhagwan !

Sham ko jab wo
office se aaye,
sare din ki kmai
pakraye, phir kahe
ise urao meri
jaan ….

Geography of women

joke — Tue, 26 Dec 2006 06:40:18 +0000

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.
She is half discovered, half wild.

Between the ages of 20 - 30 a woman is like America .
Fully discovered and scientifically perfect.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India & Japan .
Very hot, wise and beautiful !

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France.
She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Germany.
She lost the war but not the hope.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia .
Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England.
With a glorious past but no future.

After 70, they become Siberia .
Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

Marriage - Fun

joke — Sat, 23 Dec 2006 10:13:38 +0000

They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage… it is self-defense!
——————————-
Its difficult 2 understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!
——————————-
What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!
——————————-
It’s funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
——————————-
A person who surrenders when he’s WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE.
A person who surrenders even if he’s RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!
——————————-
Sagaai hui… Shaadi Hui… Biwi ghar main aayi…
ghar SWARG ban gaya… aur main…SWARGWASI…
——————————-
Mayawati came to Lallu’s house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.