Don’t Laugh

A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.The project manager said: “Let’s catch a cab and in ten minutes we’ll reach our destination.”

The computer programmer said: “We have here the driver’s guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive.”

The computer operator said: “First of all, let’s turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem.”

Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: “Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again.”

——————————————————————————–

Q: Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
A: Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

——————————————————————————–

Q: How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
A: Give him a bottle of shampoo which says “lather, rinse, repeat.”

——————————————————————————–

A system programmer came home from work almost at dawn and told his wife enthusiastically: “Tonight I have installed a new release of MVS/ESA together with VM/CMS and CICS/VS”.
“G.O.O.D” answered his wife.

——————————————————————————–

The Programmers’ Cheer

Shift to the left, shift to the right!
Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!

——————————————————————————–

“Have you heard about the object-oriented way to become wealthy?”
“No…”
“Inheritance.”

——————————————————————————–

If you can touch it and you can see it, it’s REAL.
If you can touch it but you can’t see it, it’s TRANSPARENT.
If you can’t touch it but you can see it, it’s VIRTUAL.
If you can’t touch it and you can’t see it, it’s GONE.

——————————————————————————–

Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting “F1 F1″ and nobody understood it.

——————————————————————————–

The most important thing in the programming language is the name. A language will not succeed without a good name. I have recently invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable language.

——————————————————————————–

Q: Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis?
A: Because it is below C level.

Q: What is an example of a never halting program?
A: Friedrichs and Magnus in front of an open elevator, each saying “you go first”.

READ ON…………

1) New York City has 11 letters
2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.
3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin
Towers in 1993) has 11 letters.
4) George W Bush has 11 letters.

This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets more interesting:
1) New York is the 11th state.
2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number
11.
3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers was carrying 65 passengers. 6+5
= 11
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+
1 = 11
6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911.
9+1 + 1 = 11

Sheer coincidence. .?! Read on and make up your own mind:
1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254.
2+5 + 4 = 11.
2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year. Again 2 + 5 + 4
=11.
3) The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers
incident.

Now this is where things get totally eerie:
The most recognized symbol for the US, after the Stars & Stripes, is
the Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Quran, the Islamic
holy
book:
“For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle.
The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah
while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for
the
wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace.”
That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran.

Santaji was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.
He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array.
But as soon as the santaji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.
After some time the old lady came and requested the santaji to leave the side seat.
But the santaji told:”I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave”.
The old lady then complained to the air hostess .
The air hostess came and requested the santaji to leave that seat.
But santaji was adament and did not leave.
Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt.
He also came and requested,but in vain.
Finally the Captain came.He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji,and the santaji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished,the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt afterwards what he told to the sanaji.Capt. told :”nothing.I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh.All others will go to Jalandhar.”

Once a bus of elected ministers met with an accident and crashed.
When the search party reached there, they came to know that a farmer had buried
them all. They asked him: “Were none alive among them?”
The farmer replied: “Some were saying that they were alive; but you know
ministers never speak the truth, so I ignored their statements.”

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing  question is: Who was the survivor?

Scroll down for the answer…

The perfect woman survived. She’s the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.

Men keep’a scrollin’…

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you’re a woman and you’re reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.

1. President Sonia Gandhi n Prime Minister Priyanka Gandhi receive
Italy Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi at airport!!!

2. This is my last film - Rajnikant.

3. I’ll surely enter in to Indian Team - Ganguly.

4. Salman, Vivek, Abhishek attend Ashiwarya rai -Dhoni wedding.

5. “Kyunki Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi” completes 25000th Episode. Tulsi
virani becomes Great Great Great Great Grand-Mother. And the best part,
baa is still alive!!!!

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonette When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together. Hemant Joshi By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Dumas The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want? Sigmund Freud I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Anonymous “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” Henny Youngman “I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.” Sam Kinison “There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” James Holt McGavran “I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.” Patrick Murray Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you’re right, shut up. Nash The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once… Anonymous You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Henny Youngman My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. Milton Berle Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. Anonymous A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.” Anonymous First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

A MBA and a BE go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and fell asleep. Some hours later, the MBA wakes his BE friend. ” look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” The BE replies, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” The BE ponders for a minute. “Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?” The MBA is silent for a moment, then speaks. “Practically…Someone has stolen our tent”.