Don’t Laugh

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went
into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said
to her,
“If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.” The
woman
freed the frog, and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention
that
there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!” The woman
said, “That’s
okay.” For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in
the
world. The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also
make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will
flock to”.
The woman replied,

“That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will
have eyes
only for me.” So, ——–she’s the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her
second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog
said,
“That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will
be ten
times richer than you. ” The woman said, “That’s okay, because what’s
mine is
his and what’s his is mine.” So, ——–she’s the richest woman in the
world! The
frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like a
mild heart attack.”

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them.

Teacher to Santa ” Where were U born?
Santa : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Santa : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.

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Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and
begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello”

WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes”

WOMAN: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007
models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “$65,000.”

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year
is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!”

MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him
in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: “Anyone know whose phone
this is?”

Once a man went to a Veterinary (Animal) Doctor and said: Doctor I came on vacation so that I can get treated. Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic
Man: No, I am coming to you.
Doctor: But, I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist.
Man: I know, but I want you to treat me.
Doctor: I cannot, because you speak like me and think like me which means you are a human, not an animal.
Man: I know I am same and I am a human but the problem is
I get up in the morning like a horse
I go to work like a deer
I work all day like a donkey
I wag my tail in front of my manager like a dog
I play with my children like a monkey
I am like a rabbit in front of my wife
Doctor asked: Do you work in any IT MNC
Man: Yes
Doctor yelled: Come dear, no body will treat

An embarrassed man goes to see his doctor after several frustrating nights with his wife. “I have a sexual problem, doc, I can’t get it up for my wife anymore,” he mumbles. “I think I may need Viagra or something.”

The doctor replies, “Don’t get ahead of yourself Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do.”

The next day the worried man returns with his wife. “Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas,” the doctor says. “Now turn all the way around. Lie down, please. Uh-huh, I see. OK, you may put your clothes back on.”

The doctor takes the husband aside and says, “You’re in perfect health. Your wife didn’t give me an erection either.”

A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks “I can outrun this guy,” so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway — 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures “what the heck,” and gives up. He pulls over to the curb. The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says “Listen mister, I’ve had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I’ll let you go.”

The man thought for a moment and said, “Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!”

The cop let him go

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.

They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If
any mischief occurs in their town,

the two boys are probably involved.

The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in
disciplining children,

so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he
asked to see them individually.

So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy
to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and
asked him sternly,
“Do you know where God is, son?”
The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-
eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is
God?!”

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even
more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed,

“Where is God?!”
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into
his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “what happened?”
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, “We are in BIG trouble this
time.

GOD is missing, and they think we did it!

They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space.

As the moment came closer NASA’s mission control center announced, “This is mission control to Monkey One. Initiate!”

At that the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle’s engines ignited and the shuttle took off.

Two hours later NASA’s mission control center announced, “This is mission control to Monkey Two. Initiate!”

At that the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle separated from the empty fuel tanks.

Another two hours later mission control announced, “This is mission control to the astronaut…”

At this the astronaut responded “I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don’t touch anything.”

Dear Sweetheart:

I can’t send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart Your husband Joe His wife replied back after some days to her husband: Dearest sweetheart, Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details. 1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk. 2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses. 3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent. 4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items……….. 5. Other expenses 40 kisses Please don’t worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance. Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!! Your Sweet Heart Amanda

One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on The
thirteenth floor building when a man came running in to his office and
shouted “Santa singh  your daughter Preeto just died in an accident”
Sardarji was in panic. Not  knowing what to do he jumped from his office window.
While coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn’t
have a daughter named Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered
he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground he
remembered he was not Santa Singh.

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Sardar was walking along, when he looked up to observe
a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird dropped a load when it
was directly over him.  The Sardar says, “Good thing that cows don’t fly.”
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Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he
picks it up and says ” Hello, how did you know I was here?”

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Why are sardar secret agents the best in the world?
Because even under torture they can’t remember what they have been
assigned to.
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Did you hear about the sardar who signed all his
checks so no one else could use them if he
lost his checkbook?

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A sardar’s response to the comment, “THINK about it!”:
“I don’t have to think-I ‘m sardar! ”

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Sardarji ( to doctor ) : ‘Doctor, I have a problem.’
Doctor : ‘What’s your problem?
‘ Sardarji : ‘I keep forgetting things.’
Doctor : ‘Since when do
you have this problem?’ Sardarji : ‘What problem?’

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Why couldn’t the sardar write the number “eleven”? He
didn’t know which “one” (1) came first…