Tajmahal

October 16th, 2006

♥♥♥TajMahal♥♥♥!
TAJ ke saath in shayeron ka andaaz hee kuch aur hai.
♠♠♠Before Marrige♠♠♠
———————–
takdir hai magar kismat nahi khulti
tajmahal banana chahata hoon
lekin mumtaz nahi milti

███An Ode to All Devdas███
———————————
takdir hai magar kismat nahi khulti
tajmahal banan chahata hoon,
aji, mumtaz mil gayi hai magar
woh shaadi nahi karti

♥♥♥After Marriage♥♥♥
———————-
takdir hai magar kismat nahi khulti
tajmahal banana chahata hoon
lekin mumtaz nahi marti
..well wishes frm……(PRADEEP)!!!!

Doctor sabbbbbbbbb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

October 6th, 2006

A man who had died suddenly in his sleep awakened to find himself in heaven. Being disoriented but curious, he began to walk around taking in the wondrous sights. he marveled at the pearly gates, as well as the streets paved with gold. After a while he felt hungry and asked one of the other occupants where he might find something to eat and was directed to the cafeteria. When he arrived he found a line a mile long and took his place at the end. The line was progressing very slowly when a limo pulled up in front and discharged a man with a great beard and carrying two stone tablets who went in ahead of everyone else. The fellow became angry and tapped the person in front of him on the shoulder and asked who is that? The person in front of him replied that it was Moses the bringer of law. This satisfied the fellow for the present.

A short while later another limo pulled up and discharged a fellow wearing robes and carrying a staff who also went in ahead of the rest. The fellow again was irritated and asked the person in front of him who that arrival was, and was told that it was St. Jerome a patriarch and very important! This also satisfied the fellow for a short time.

After a time a sports car pulled up in front and a man carrying a black bag went in ahead of the rest, which infuriated the poor fellow who asked in exasperation, just who the hell is that? This time the line answered in unison, “Oh, that’s God, but he thinks he is a doctor!”

Cyanide Request

October 2nd, 2006


A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide right away. The pharmacist naturally was concerned by such a request and asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said, “I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license. They’ll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not—you cannot have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well, now. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

Santa ki suno………….

September 27th, 2006

Sharaabi Santa knocks the door of his house. His wife opens the door.
Santa asks: Who r u?
Wife: How dare u forget ur wife?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai

* Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto, Banta asks: Y r u
removin a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can’t u read ‘Parking for two wheelers only’

* Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the
name from NASA to SATYANASA

* Ek baar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jaata hai aur darwaza knock karta hai.
Gangubai: Kaun ?
Santa: Main !
Gangubai: Main kaun?
Santa: Tu Gangubai

* Santa apni gal friend ko I Luv kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I’m falling in love.

* At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I hv lst my
hand,
oh!
Santa: Control urself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head.
Is
he crying?

* In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr…..
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…

* Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got
irritated… drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

* Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado Santa aage nahin bada
Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha

* Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha. Driver ne sheesha
set kiya. Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith,
car mein chalaoonga!

* Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India
Radio!

* Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child

* Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai

* Santa: If I die will u remarry?
Jeeto: No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Santa: No, I’ll also stay with ur sister

Good For Business

September 27th, 2006

A visiting customer is taken on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products by their Marketing Manager.

At the first stop, he’s shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud hiss-pop! noise.

“The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,” explains the Marketer. “The popping sound is a needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple.”

Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured.

The machine makes a noise: ‘Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop!”

“Wait a minute!” says the customer. “I understand what the
‘hiss, hiss,’ is, but what’s that ‘pop!’ every so often?”

“Oh, it’s just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine,” says the guide. “It pokes a hole in every fourth condom.”

“Well, that can’t be good for the condoms!”

“Yeah, but it’s great for the baby-bottle nipple business!”

To be a manager

September 21st, 2006

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, “Me want coffee”.

The waiter says, “Sure chief, coming right up”. He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, “Me want coffee”. The waiter says “Whoa, Tonto. We’re still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?”

The Indian smiles and proudly says, “Me in training for upper management. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day.”

Wrong extention

September 20th, 2006
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: “Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!”

The voice from the other side responded: “You fool, you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to ?” “No” replied the trainee. “It’s the Managing Director of the company, “you idiot!” The trainee shouted back: “And do you know who YOU are talking to,you IDIOT ?” “No!” replied the Managing Director angrily. “Thank God!” replied the trainee and put down the phone

What happen when IT guy met a girl………..

September 17th, 2006

Two IT guys were chatting in a pub after work. “Guess what, mate,” says the first IT guy, “yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in a bar.” “What did you do?” says the other IT guy. “Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to make her feel special” “You’re kidding me!” says the second IT guy. “I then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop.” “Really? You got a new laptop? What configuration?” “It’s a 1 GB RAM and mobile internet connectivity card and…………”

Don’t Lie to Your Mother………..

September 14th, 2006

 A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner…..who lives with a girl roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty Kumar’s, roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, Kumar volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates.” About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver plate. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?” Kumar said ,”Well, I doubt it, but I’ll email her, just to be sure.” So he sat down and wrote:Dear Mother: I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the silver plate from my house, I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take the silver plate.. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read Dear Son: I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Sunita, and I’m not saying that you do not’ sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow… Love, Mom

Some Real Facts

September 13th, 2006

1. Coca-Cola was originally green. ————————————————-

2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed. ————————————————-

3.The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with. ————————————————-

4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. ————————————————-

5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States. ————————————————-

6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. ————————————————-

7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men! ————————————————-

8. You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath. ————————————————-

9. It is impossible to lick your elbow. ————————————————-

10. People say “Bless you” when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond. ————————————————-

11. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky. ————————————————-

12. The “sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick” is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language. ————————————————-

13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. ————————————————-

14. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history. Spades - King David Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne Diamonds - Julius Caesar. ————————————————-

15. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 ————————————————-

16. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air,the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has a all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. ————————————————-

17 What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common? Ans. - All invented by women. ————————————————

18. Question - This is the only food that doesn’t spoil. What is this? Ans. - Honey ————————————————-

19. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. ————————————————-

20. A snail can sleep for three years. ————————————————-

21. All polar bears are left handed. ————————————————-

22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class. ————————————————-

23. Butterflies taste with their feet. ————————————————-

24. Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump. ————————————————-

25. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. ————————————————-

26. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death. ————————————————-

27. Shakespeare invented the word ‘assassination’ and ‘bump’. ————————————————-

28. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand. ————————————————-

29. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. ————————————————-

30. The electric chair was invented by a dentist. ————————————————-

31. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. ————————————————-

32. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants. ————————————————-

33. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times. ————————————————-

34. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match. ————————————————-

35. Most lipstick contains fish scales. ————————————————

36. Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different ————————————————-

37. And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

xxx